Gems from Social Media!!!!!

Brilliant Puns:  1. A man who wants a pretty nurse, must be patient. 2. A man who leaps off a cliff, jumps to a conclusion.  3. A man running in front of a car gets tyred; And a man running behind a car, gets exhausted.  4. War does not determine who is right. It determines who is left. 5. A man who drives like hell, is bound to get there. 6. A lion will not cheat his wife, but a Tiger wood! 7. Toilets are a great place to think. No wonder they are called "Sochalayas"...

Brevity is the Soul of Wit.  Enjoy these two-liners with some genuine observations... The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted. Alcohol is a perfect solvent:  It dissolves marriages, families and careers! A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. Archaeologist: Someone whose career lies in ruins. There are two kinds of people who don't say much: Those who are quiet and those who talk a lot. They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who's in a hurry? Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive! One nice thing about egoists: They don't talk about other people!

In New York, two beggars were sitting side by side, one with "OM" sign and the other with "CROSS" sign. People passing that area were giving dirty   look to the beggar carrying the OM sign but giving a dollar to the one carrying the CROSS sign. This was going on, when a father of a church was passing by and noticed this. He came to beggar who was carrying the OM sign and told him that you are in a country, where people follow Christianity. You being a Hindu will hardly get any alms. Just to make you feel jealous and frustrated people are giving dollars to your counterpart. After the Father left, the beggar carrying the OM sign said the following in Gujarati to his counterpart:- "Jignesh Bhai"? "Yes Mansukh Bhai" Now this Father will teach us how to do business!!!!

Do you ever feel your achievements aren’t truly yours? Some ways to shed your self-doubt Hi! I heard you’ve just got admission into a great university/received a big promotion/did really well in a difficult exam! You must be very pleased that your hard work paid off. What’s that you said? It wasn’t hard work, just plain luck? No! Surely your own capabilities had something to do with it! You say you’re not really that smart and have no idea how you managed this success? And you want to talk about the weather now? Why are you fidgeting about and trying to change the topic? Hmm, sounds like you’ve got a case of impostor syndrome. First identified in the 1970s, this formidable-sounding term applies to high achievers who are nagged by a constant sense of doubt over their achievements. They attribute these achievements to luck or having “fooled” others about their competence, rather than to hard work, intelligence or merit. Instead of feeling pleased and accepting their successes, t...

Ways to burn 100 Calories: 1. Walking - 45 mins 2. Jogging/ Running - 16 mins 3. Swimming - 17 mins 4. Climbing Stairs - 16 mins 5. Tennis - 14 mins *NOTE* : People who can't do any of the above mentioned exercises, *Arguing with your Wife* for 5 mins is *Equally Effective!*

Great candidate... Interviewer - so what's your email ID? Candidate- sir,  abc@xyz.com Interviewer - and password? Candidate- 12345678 Interviewer - you shared such a confidential information so easily for the job. How can we trust that you will not share any confidential information of the company for some better offers?  Candidate - Sir, I might have shared my password with you but I don't think you can still login to my email account. Let's look for the possibilities. My password can be 12345678 Or Onetwothreefourfivesixseveneig ht Or 1twothreefourfivesixseveneight 1twothreefourfivesixseven8….. so on Or 2444666668888888 (one 2, three 4….) 13355557777778 (1, two 3, four 5……, 8)….. so on Or Combination of all of these… By the way, did I mention use of capitals?     :P :D Finally that candidate was offered with the position as  " HR Manager"

A guy invested all his time in puja and finally got 2 wishes from God. He immediately wished for the best DRINK and the best WOMAN. He got... Ganga Water and Mother Teresa. Moral: Investments are subject to market risks. Please read the offer document carefully before investing! 

பெண் பார்ப்பது...? ஒரு வாலிபன் தன்னுடைய குருவிடம்... எனக்கு என் தாயார் திருமணம் முடிக்க ஆசைப்படுகிறார். குருவே எனக்கும் அதில் ஆசைதான்... நான் எப்படிப்பட்ட பெண்ணை திருமணம் செய்வது என்றான்... குருநாதர் சொல்கிறார்... *அழகானவளை முடிக்காதே! அடுத்தவன் அவள் மீது ஆசைப்படக் கூடும், *அழகில்லாதவளை முடிக்காதே! ஒருவேளை உனக்கே அவளை பிடிக்காமலும் போகும், *உயரமானவளை முடிக்காதே! ஒவ்வொரு வார்த்தைக்கும் உன் கழுத்து சுலிக்கக் கூடும், *குள்ளமானவளை முடிக்காதே! உனக்கு அது சரியான ஜோடியாக இருக்காது, *பருமனானவளை முடிக்காதே! உன் வருமானம் அவளுக்கு போதாது, *மெலிந்தவளை முடிக்காதே! வீட்டில் அவள் எங்கே என நீ தேடுவாய், *வெள்ளையானவளை முடிக்காதே! அவளை காணும்போதெல்லாம் உனக்கு மெழுகுவர்த்திதான் ஞாபகம் வரும், *கருத்தவளை முடிக்காதே! இருட்டில் அவளை கண்டு நீயே பயப்படக் கூடும், *படிக்காதவளை முடிக்காதே! நீ கூறுவதை அவள் புரிந்துகொள்ளமாட்டாள், *படித்தவளை முடிக்காதே! உன் பேச்சையே அவள் கேட்கமாட்டாள், *பணக்காரியை முடிக்காதே! உனக்கு அந்த இடத்தில் மரியாதை இருக்காது, *ஏழையை முடி...

Mothers Are VERY Smart !  A typical Indian Mother from Chennai ( a “TamBram” mother… oh...they are even SMARTER ! ) went to visit her son working in the   US . On arrival at his flat  ( Sorry, apartment) , she was shown her bedroom and was made comfortable. At the dinner table, she was surprised to see a very pretty Indian girl sharing their meal, felt a bit mystified but held her peace. Her son introduced the girl  properly, said she was sharing the apartment and the food was cooked by her. The food was delicious and the girl was friendly and a good conversationalist. Mother felt a little mollified but was still uneasy. She could not sleep very well that night. Next morning, she cornered her son and demanded an explanation. The son assured her that it was common place  in the US for men and women to share an apartment, the girl had her own bedroom and they had nothing funny going on between them.  Hmm…if  you think this satisfied ...

A wife was doing her make up early morning straight out from Bed!!!! Husband: Are you Crazy? Wife: Just shut up, I need to unlock my phone. Its on Face recognition feature and it is not recognizing me. Husband: ??????

*DO YOU KNOW*? 1. *Your shoes are the first thing people subconsciously notice about you. Wear nice shoes.* 2. *If you sit for more than 11 hours a day, there's a 50% chance you'll die within the next 3 years.* 3. *There are at least 6 people in the world who look exactly like you. There's a 9% chance that you'll meet one of them in your lifetime.* 4. *Sleeping without a pillow reduces back pain and keeps your spine stronger.* 5. *A person's height is determined by their father, and their weight is determined by their mother.* 6. *If a part of your body "falls asleep", you can almost always "wake it up" by shaking your head.* 7. *There are three things the human brain cannot resist noticing - Food, attractive people and danger.* 8. *Right-handed people tend to chew food on their right side.* 9. *Putting dry tea bags in gym bags or smelly shoes will absorb the unpleasant odour.* 10. *According to Albert Ei...

*The Abilene Paradox* The following is the Abilene Paradox as narrated by a family man. "On my birthday a couple of years back, I wanted to take my family out for dinner. I asked my wife where we can go. Thinking that I like Gujarati food, she immediately said: “Let’s go to Agashiye - The Terrace Restaurant.” My son and daughter both nodded in agreement. On our  return my son said: “I wish Papa had taken us to Mainland China – he loves Chinese food.” “Or at least to Shere-E-Punjab for the wonderful tandoori chicken” added my daughter. “Yes, I too would have loved to go Mainland China”, I said.  _My wife looked surprised: “But didn’t we all unanimously agree to go to Agashiye,” she asked._ I said sheepishly “I didn’t want you to feel bad.” And both my children nodded in agreement. Here were four people who of their own volition would not have gone to ‘Agashiye - The Terrace Restaurant, but collectively agreed to go there.  This also happens in the...