Gems from Social Media!!!!!

😂😂😂😂 John went to an upside cafe on where a sign was placed on which was written, "Royal Tea - 30 bucks" "Special Tea - 15 bucks" "Ordinary Tea - 5 bucks" John called the waiter - what is the funda of 30, 15, 5 ..? The waiter winked and replied - all are the same, any one should know. John ordered a 5 buck Tea. He enjoyed the drink. He called the waiter and gave him 5 bucks with another 1 buck as a TIP. John: Man this is so cool for 5 bucks, how would the 30 buck Tea be prepared? Waiter - Sir, 30 grams of pure milk cream with high quality Tea leaves and High quality Crystalline sugar. John: Then, how about the 15 buck Tea? Waiter: 15 grams of pure milk cream a few-odd tea leaves and cheap fine sugar. John - And in 5 buck Tea? Waiter - Sir high class people order the 30 and 15 buck Tea. They don't finish it most of the time. We collect them and heat it again and give it to the 5 buck customer. Nothing is wasted, We ar...

A woman was driving an old Honda car when she mistakenly hit a 2017 Range Rover .. The lady came out from her Range Rover insulting the other lady for not being careful, asking her to repair her Range Rover. The woman with the Honda City called her husband, he replied that he was busy, that she should try fix up things and that they will meet later at home. The lady with the Range Rover called her boyfriend and said "sweetheart someone just hit the birthday gift you gave me, I am so angry, please come over."  Few minutes later her boyfriend arrived. Guess what? He is the husband to the lady with the Honda City  car. Discuss the possible legal consequences for all 3 parties.. (20 Marks).

 1. At movies:  "Hey ! What are you doing here ?"  Me: "I am here to apply for the popcorn seller post?"   2. In bus: An uncle steps on my feet:  "Sorry did that hurt ?"  Me: "No not at all. I'm on local anesthesia. Why don't you try again ?"    3. When I get woken up at  midnight  by a  call: "Sorry ! Were u sleeping ?"  Me: "Na ! I was doing research on monkeys in Africa. You thought I was sleeping, u stupid fool ?"     4. When they see me with shorter hair: "Hey ! Have u had a haircut ?"  Me: "Nah ! Its autumn. my hair's shedding !"   5. When someone calls on land-line n asks: "Where r u ?"  Me: "I'm in market with a telephone around my neck !!"     6. When I m washing my car....  Neighbor: "Hey ! Are u washing ur car ?" Me: "No, I m just watering it so that it grows into a big bus.. 

Weak People REVENGE Strong People FORGIVE Intelligent People IGNORE

I consider success in one's Career as a function of Knowledge, Skill & Attitude. The first element KNOWLEDGE carries 20% weight-age & it is to be acquired more from external environment; i.e. knowledge could be acquired from school, college, university & so on. The second element SKILL carries 20% weight-age & it is also to be acquired more from external environment; i.e. skill could be acquired from taking up a job. Knowledge over a period is converted into wisdom/ application by skill; i.e. smart way of doing a job effectively & effortlessly. This is known as core competency. The third element ATTITUDE carries 60% weight-age & it is more of internal. It has many traits like being honest, taking responsibility for all actions, adaptability and compatibility, having the drive to keep going, compassion and understanding, patience, getting up the courage to do what’s right, adventurous, cultured, dependable, fair, fearless, impartial, empathy...

The Fern and the Bamboo…. One day I decided to quit.... I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality..... I wanted to quit my life. I went to have one last talk with my mentor. I said, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?" The answer surprised me..."Look around. What do you see?” I saw a fern and bamboo seeds?" My mentor replied, "When the fern and the bamboo seeds were planted, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. “In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. “In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. “In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. “Then in the fifth year a ...

Ekadasi upavasam and the year 2016's Nobel prize for Medicine..what is the connection. .Please read on... 2016's Nobel prize for medicine went to a Japanese scientist Dr. Yoshinori Ohsumi for his research on autophagy. Autophagy means to "self eat". In other words, the process by which the human body eats it own damaged cells and unused proteins. Autophagy is a natural process and also one which occurs in cases of starvation. The failure of autophagy is one of the main reasons for accumulation of damaged cells which eventually leads to various diseases in the body. Autophagy is important to prevent/fight cancer and also plays a vital role in degrading and 'consuming' cells infected by bacteria and viruses. We have to observe here that ancient India had recommended a practice of fasting (Ekadasi) one day in a fortnight. Many of us religiously follow this practice to this day as a penance for spiritual progress without any idea of the biological and ...

● As I sat, strapped in my seat waiting during the countdown, one thought kept crossing my mind...every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.  ~ John Glenn. ● When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them, we had the Bible and they had the land. ~ Desmond Tutu. ● America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. ~ David Letterman. ● I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. I'm a billionaire. ~ Howard Hughes. ● After the game, the King and the Pawn go into the same box. ~ Italian proverb. ● The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats. ~ Jean Kerr. ● I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor...

*You are not a drop in the ocean but an ocean in every drop*...said Rumi. What did he mean by that... every cell in our body is intelligent to think and act.. We have 60 trillion cells in our body and our health depends a lot on the harmonic balance and cohesion of the cells with each other... In the movie Eat, Pray Love, Julia Roberts visits a wise man in Bali, and he advises her not to try too hard to meditate.. in fact he suggests that meditation is nothing but smiling and the line that is a kicker, is " Smile with your liver "  If you believe that this is just a metaphor, lets look at the other end of the spectrum to prove just how crucial this is..  Let us say you hold a negative emotion towards somebody, something or some event in your life... each time you think of that your whole body re-lives the emotional upheaval of that association..  Your mind doesn't have a mind of its own, and doesn't know if the event is happening in real time or ...

Don’t look at the answers until you are finished There are only nine  questions.  This is a quiz for people who know everything ! I found out in a hurry that I didn't. These are not trick  questions. They are straight questions with straight  answers. 1.  Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the  participants know the score or the leader until the contest  ends. 2.  What famous North American landmark is constantly moving  backward?  3. Of all vegetables,  only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons.  All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only  two perennial vegetables?  4.  What fruit has its seeds on the outside? 5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it  hasn't been cut in...

The best message I have read  in a while  A man, an avid Gardener saw a small Butterfly laying few eggs in one of the pots in his garden. Since that day he looked at the egg with ever growing curiosity and eagerness. The egg started to move and shake a little. He was excited to see a new life coming up right in front of his eyes. He spent hours watching the egg now.  The egg started to expand and develop cracks. A tiny head and antennae started to come out ever so slowly.  The man's excitement knew no bounds. He got his magnifying glasses and sat to watch the life and body of a pupa coming out. He saw the struggle of the tender pupa and couldn't resist his urge to "HELP". He went and got a tender forceps to help the egg break, a nip here, a nip there to help the struggling life and the pupa was out.  The man was ecstatic! He waited now each day for the pupa to grow and fly like a beautiful butterfly, but al...

"Mom, I am a genetic scientist. I am working in the US on the evolution of man. Theory of evolution, Charles Darwin, have you heard of him? " Vasu asked. His Mother sat down next to him and smiled, "I know about Darwin, Vasu. "But Have you heard of Dashavatar? The ten avatars of Vishnu?"  Vasu replied in no. "Then let me tell you what you and Mr. Darwin don't know. Listen carefully-  The first avatar was the Matsya avatar, it means the fish. That is because life began in the water. Is that not right?" Vasu began to listen with a little more attention. "Then came the Kurma Avatar, which means the tortoise, because life moved from the water to the land. The amphibian. So the Tortoise denoted the evolution from sea to land. Third was the Varaha, the wild boar, which meant the wild animals with not much intellect, you call them the Dinosaurs, correct? " Vasu nodded wide eyed. "The fourth avatar was the Na...

WHEN WE ARE OLD, WHOM DO WE DEPEND ON? Ourselves, ourselves, only ourselves...(The truth, as disclosed by a group of old folks). "Have your own abode. No matter what, do not lose it, until your death! If you have an old companion, keep each other company. Watch your health while it is still good. Maintain a positive outlook and you will be happy. Now, our health is still good, our mind still clear. But on whom can we depend in our old age? We will have to analyse in various stages. 1st Stage: Just after retirement, between 60 to 70 years old, our health will still be comparatively good. So too is our financial means.  Eat moderately while we have the means. At times, wear what we fancy. Those who like it, have some fun.  Do not be hard on yourself. Our days are numbered. So grasp the opportunity.  Have some savings (Remember Money Power)! Keep the house! Make arrangements for the days ahead or retreat.  If the kids are ...

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate. Me: Why not just throw it in the trash? Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use these clothes. Me: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving. And that's when the fight started...  _________________________________________________________________________________ Guruji, how do I learn about my mistakes? Guru: Identify one mistake in your wife and tell her to correct it.  In response she will help identify all your mistakes along with your family's and your friends as well.  It's that easy. _________________________________________________________________________________ Wife : I think.... Husband: . . . Exactly ! Wife: But I haven't said anything yet! Husband : Doesn't matter. You're right....!  _________________________________________________________________________________